What's Eating You?

Summary
The adventure starts with a party of 5 strangers meeting up outside of a small town named Loyadale with the intention of helping a Granny move her wares to Arpeon. The contract stated that each adventurer would get 5 gold and all loot encountered if there was any trouble.

Even before the party reached the cart, they were accosted by 2 thugs. Baldrick tried to intimidate both, but fails with the older one. Sofae also tried to intimidate them but they just laughed at the small squeaking creature in front of them.

Scraw seeing that intimidation had no success decided to casts charm on the thug that stepped up to Baldrick and his disposition improved, unfortunately Firali shoot the un-intimidated thug in the foot with his bow, and charms effects wore off. Sofae then attempted to burn the thugs but her spell sputtered and does nothing but kill some of the grass next to them. As the thug howled and rushed Firali, Baldrick scored a glancing blow with his axe, but not before Firali gets hit with a club. Carter rushed in to defend Firali and ended up scoring a hit on the side that Baldrick had not hit. Baldrick, feeling a little angry, takes a mighty leap and bisects the poor ruffian, spraying blood and brain bits everywhere. Caking the majority of the part and their employer

The younger thug cries out to his brother, and enraged by his loss, he tackles Baldrick, but Baldrick digs in his heels and doesn't budge an inch as he pushes the thug off, who due to the gore, slips and falls to the ground, weeping over his dead brother (literally). Scraw then disguises himself as the now dead thug and appears above the crying mass, warning him that the afterlife is a torturous place. The confused thug, now doing double takes between his brother and Scraaw decides to flee for his life as the rest of the party jeers. On the thug they find bits of silver pieces and a bloodstained note saying "To the bestest brother". Sofae, who had hidden behind the elderly woman, steps out and heals Firali, looking for acknowledgement, which Firali doesn't provide.

After regaining their bearings, the party met up with rest of the caravan. There was a couple Ivan & Renee who jumped at the sight of Granny covered in blood, a little girl, a drunken priest named Nimoy, a boy and his father Elb Jr & Elb Sr, who looking a bit shocked as the Granny recounted the battle that just took place. After some discussion, the caravan decided it was best to leave town that night. The first night was uneventful, and when they broke for dinner Rene offered Scraaw chicken, which he politely refused as Rene muttered something about vegans.

The next day, Firali, Baldrick, and Elb Sr go hunting and end up catching some plump hairs, but as they turn around they hear the baying of hounds that rush in and leap at the party. Elb Sr ends up getting a large hound latched on to his arm which Firali promptly rips off but is bitten by another in turn. With a grunt, Firali lifts his arm and sinks a blade through the dogs skull which releases its grip and slumps to the ground lifeless. Baldrick also takes his axe out and bisects the dog that had bitten Elb Sr.

As the last dog starts advancing towards Elb, he sends it whimpering with a kick. Firali takes a chance to attempt to soothe the injured beast as Baldrick yelled at Elb for being cruel. The dog ends up following them and after some argument as to who keeps him, Baldrick wins ownership and names the dog Doug.

Back at camp, the rest of crew was attacked by bandits. Nimoy, Rene, Granny and the children hid behind the caravan while the rest of them took defensive positions. Sofae ended up summoning her druidic magic and cast entangle, snaring 3 of the bandits while Scraaw shed his robe and with a mighty unfurling of his wings, took to the sky, casting magic missile towards the bandits. Seeing Scraaw as a threat, one bandit aims with his crossbow and ends up seriously injuring Scraaw who crumpled to the ground unconscious. Sofae tried to heal Scraaw but ended up bringing him closer to death's door.

While Sofae attended to Scraaw, Carter took a few shots with his bow and missed one but hit the other between his eyes, while Ivan unsuccessfully launches an assault on another bandit. As a bandit tries to attack Carter for felling his comrade, he trips due to Sofae's vines and is promptly ended by Carter who now advances on the crossbow wielder. Carter ends up taking a bolt to the shoulder, and staggers but ends up the target of the bandit that was occupied with Ivan. As that bandit lashed out, Ivan finally scores a hit and fells him while he was midleap towards Carter's throat.

The final bandit, seeing all his comrades fallen begins to beg for mercy as Carter continues his approach. Carter looks upon him with a cold fury and rips the bolt out of his shoulder, places it on the pleading bandits forehead and hammers it in with his dagger hilt, dropping the Bandit-Unicorn hybrid.

As the rest of the party emerges from the forest, and both sides explain what happened, Elb Sr collapses face first with his arm taking on a nasty discolouration. The party decides to opt for Amputation with an eager Baldrick readying his axe. Elb Jr protests and wails since they were supposed to go to Arpeon to join the logging camps, but no one shows sympathy.

As the party, now grim settles down for the night. Granny brings out cask of Ale and everyone drinks sombrely. Elb Jr ends up falling asleep curled up to his father, and Ivan offers to take the watch for the night. Unknown to Elb Jr, Baldrick plays fetch with the severed limb of Elb Sr.

The next morning Firali is woken up Elb Jr (who is afraid to go to the bathroom himself), but tells Elb Jr to piss off. Elb decides instead to approach Baldrick. Baldrick begrudgingly agrees and as they make their way over the hill Elb Jr lets out a squeak of terror. As Baldrick approaches Elb Jr, he eventually looks and sees Granny and the girl cutting some sort of meat, on closer inspection it appears to be part of Elb Sr's arm. Granny scolds the girl saying, "You'll spoil your appetite" as the girl starts tearing into the flesh.

Baldrick ends up calling the rest of the party and explained what he saw. Carter decides to try to sneak up on them, but unfortunately Baldrick yells out at the 2 ladies, asking what they are doing, they drop their tools and look at the party, with blood stained hands and a surprise that turns into a hostile sneer.

Behind them, the voice of the priest is heard, telling them to put down their weapons, as the party turns around they see that he has Elb Jr at knifepoint. Since no one in the party seems to care, the priest is a bit dumbfounded and loosens his grasp enough for the kid to wriggle free. Sofae steps in and tries to burn the priest, but manages to just mildly scald him. Sofae then decides to move towards the cart, not trusting Ivan and Rene. She passes through the brush and sees them brandishing weapons saying "It wasn't supposed to go down like this", as they advance towards her.

Meanwhile, Baldrick, seeing the 2 ladies approach decides to throw his handaxe. He misses, and the little girl smiling while blood drips down her chin, picks it up and continues her approach. Carter ends up hitting Granny with his bow, who snaps the arrow shaft and continues on menacingly. Scraaw who recently recovered from his near death experience, decides to forgo flying and opts to use his staff to hit the distracted priest. With a loud thwack! he ends up bringing him to his knees. Firali approaches the priest who lost his hostage and begins to plead for his life. Despite party members saying they might need a hostage to question, Firali shows no mercy and simply cuts his throat.

Granny, bleeding from her foot and seeing the boy unprotected, lunges at him, slashing her blade across his face, opening a deep wound. The little girl in turn rushes towards Baldrick and sticks him in his stomach, doing a significant amount of damage. In retaliation Baldrick swings his axe, but the little girl ducks out of the way. Seeing his chance, Carter rushes in blade low to the ground and swipes at the girl doing a significant amount of damage, she drops the handaxe and looks at him with venemous eyes.

Firali, looking away from the priest's body, sees Elb Jr get hit and decides to bring out his bow, he hits the granny in her throat and she collapses next to a cowering and speechless Elb Jr. At this point Sofae has been fighting Ivan and is having a bit of trouble, she is then struck on the head with his mace and is a bit dazed. Doug the dog joins her and lunges at Ivan, clamping his jaws on his arm but he ends up shaking him off and smacks him with his mace, causing grievous harm. Renee is still shooting with her crossbow and seems to be having trouble hitting Sofae and lands a glancing blow on Scraaw.

Scraaw, seeing Sofae in trouble and an armed Rene, decides to cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter on her. Renee promptly drops her weapon and rolls around laughing uncontrollably. Scraaw takes this chance to take to the air and dive at Ivan, who ducks out of the way but manages to defecate on his head. While Ivan is distracted, Firali and Sofae lunges forward, blades out and stabs him in the thighs, but with adrenaline pumping through his veins, Ivan keeps standing, vowing to roast each of them slowly one by one, starting with the bird that shat on him. He continues to utter threats but Sofae and Firali stab him in his chest as Baldrick throws his javelin and pierces Ivan's throat. Ivan, gurgles defiantly as he falls. Upon seeing this, Renee is no longer laughing, and screams out in horror. She drops her weapon in anguish, and gives up her fight asking the party to end her so that she can join her husband.

Rene is questioned and reveals that they are cannibals that hire unknown guards to accompany them, laughing about the fact that most of their goods come from the victims they consume. The party considers tying her up and leaving the gods to decide her face but are wary of her escaping, they consider taking her to the authorities but are wary of her accusing them in turn for murder, she is then swiftly beheaded by Baldrick and the party recovers and searches the corpses.

Baldrick notices a locked chest on the back of the cart and Carter, feeling confident picks to lock but fails to notice the dart trap and ends up getting pierced by many pointy needles. The embarassment doesn't last long as the party discovers a hoard of coins, jewellery, and potions.

Elb Sr wakes up and is filled in by the party, he asks to get off the godforsaken trail and continue towards Arpeon. They arrive in the evening time to the tavern called Shepherd's Crook, where they are greeted by a large motherly looking woman called Lippa. The party responds with various groans and curses she asks "What's eating you" and the Elbs split up looking for their work appointment. The party decides to purchase 5 casks of ale with their grey-area-gotten gains and scoff at the quoted price of 30 gold/cask. Scraaw steps in and charms the woman who decides to give them all 5 for 30, and rooms at the inn for 5 gold a night.The party settles in for a nights rest a little richer and mentally/physically scarred.

Kills
1 Thug, 2 Dogs, 4 Bandits, 5 Cannibals

Loot

 * 220 Gold
 * 320 Silver
 * 1300 Copper
 * Gold Ribbon (25 Gold)
 * Silk Glove (25 Gold)
 * Leather Belt (25 Gold)
 * Necklace (25 Gold)
 * Fine Leather Gloves (25 Gold)
 * Goblets (25 Gold)
 * Cups/Plates (25 Gold)
 * Potion of Resist Cold
 * Potion of Greater Healing
 * 21 Crossbow Bolts
 * 2 Light Crossbows
 * 1 Mace
 * 3 Daggers
 * 3 Shortswords
 * A dog named Doug
 * 1 Note titled "To my bestest brother" (The R is backwards)